Blog, Tour, Review & Giveaway: Letting Go by Molly McAdams
Synopsis:
The New York Times and USA Today bestselling New Adult author returns with a sizzling novel of love, loss, guilt, and forgiveness.
Grey and Ben fell in love at thirteen and believed they’d be together forever. But three days before their wedding, the twenty-year-old groom-to-be suddenly died from an unknown heart condition, destroying his would-be-bride’s world. If it hadn’t been for their best friend, Jagger, Grey never would have made it through those last two years to graduation. He’s the only one who understands her pain, the only one who knows what it’s like to force yourself to keep moving when your dreams are shattered. Jagger swears he’ll always be there for her, but no one has ever been able to hold on to him. He’s not the kind of guy to settle down.
It’s true that no one has ever been able to keep Jagger—because he’s only ever belonged to Grey. While everyone else worries over Grey’s fragility, he’s the only one who sees her strength. Yet as much as he wants Grey, he knows her heart will always be with Ben. Still they can’t deny the heat that is growing between them—a passion that soon becomes too hot to handle. But admitting their feelings for each other means they’ve got to face the past. Is being together what Ben would have wanted . . . or a betrayal of his memory that will eventually destroy them both?
Any time I read a Molly McAdams books I read, I start with a bit of apprehension, you never know what your going to get from her Molly. After reading the prologue I was hooked. 3 days before your wedding your prepared to marry your best friend and you get the call that changes your life. The groom dies 3 days before the wedding, what had me hooked was Ben died on my birthday.
Grey has been struggling for the last two years to deal with the death of her fiancé Ben. They only thing that has gotten her by the last two years is Jagger. Her best friend, growing up Ben, Jagger and Grey were like the three musketeers and were attached at the hip. Jagger has always been in love with Grey but the day he final got the courage to tell her was the day Ben kiss her.
The last 13 years Jagger has just been there for Grey, best friend, supporter and care taker when she needed it. Now back in their small home town of Thatch were everyone know everyone and everything secrets unfold. Grey stumbles upon Jagger secret and the fact that he love her. Can Grey's concession and guilt allow her to have a second chance at love.
I loved this book, I love everything about it expect the cover that let that deter you from reading it. This was a great book and you will fall in love with Jagger, and there is no cliffhanger. They secondary characters was great and there was some twist and turn in this book that had you sitting at the end of you sit.
Prologue
Grey
May 10, 2012
“Then over there is where the girls and I will be waiting before
the ceremony starts,” I said, pointing to the all-seasons tent just off to the
side. “I think the coordinator said she’d get us in there when the photographer
is taking pictures of Ben and the boys on the other side house, so he won’t see
me.”
I glanced to my mom and soon-to-be mother-in-law talking about
the gazebo behind me, and what it would look like with the greenery and
flowers, and I smiled to myself. They’d been going back and forth on whether we
should keep the gazebo as it was or decorate it ever since Ben and I had
decided on The Lake House as our wedding and reception site. And from the few
words I was hearing now, they were still undecided. I honestly didn’t care how
it was decorated. I wanted to be married to Ben, and in three days, I would be.
“Grey, this place is freaking gorgeous. I can’t believe
you were able to get it on such short notice,” my maid-of-honor and best
friend, Janie, said in awe.
“I know, but it’s perfect, right?”
“Absolutely perfect.”
I grabbed her hand and rested my head on her shoulder as I
stared at the part of the property where the reception would be. Ben and I had
promised our families that we wouldn’t get married until we’d graduated from
college, but that had been a much harder promise to keep than we’d thought it
would be. School let out for summer a few days ago, and we wanted to move off
campus for our junior year … together. That hadn’t exactly gone over well with
my parents. They didn’t want us living together until we were married. I think
in my dad’s mind it helped him continue to believe I was his innocent little
girl.
I’d been dating Ben since I was thirteen years old; the innocent
part flew out the window over three years ago. Not that he needed to know that.
After a long talk with both our parents, they agreed to let us get married now
instead of two years from now.
That was seven weeks ago. Even though Ben had asked me to marry
him last Christmas, we’d officially gotten engaged once we’d received the okay
from our parents, and had started planning our wedding immediately. Seven weeks
of being engaged. Seven years of being together. And in three days I would
finally be Mrs. Benjamin Craft.
With how the last few weeks had dragged by, it felt like our day
would never get here.
My phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket. My lips tilted
up when I saw Jagger’s name and face on the screen, but I ignored the call.
Putting my phone back in my pocket, I kept my other hand firmly wrapped around
Janie’s and walked over to where the rest of the bridesmaids were. My aunts and
grandma had gathered around the gazebo-debating duo, and were helping them with
the pros and cons.
“So what are we going to do tonight?” I asked, hoping to get
some kind of information about the bachelorette party.
“Nice try.” Janie snorted. She started saying something else,
but my phone rang again.
Glancing down and seeing Jagger again, I thought about answering
it for a few seconds before huffing out a soft laugh and ignoring the call a
second time. I knew why he was calling. He was bored out of his mind and wanted
me to save him from the golf day Ben and all the guys were having before the
bachelor party. Normally I would have saved him from the torture of golfing,
but today was about Ben. If he wanted to go golfing with all his guys, then
Jagger just had to suck it up for his best friend.
Almost immediately after ignoring the call, I got a text from
him.
Jagger: Answer the goddamn phone Grey!
My head jerked back when the phone in my hand began ringing just
as soon as I’d read the message, and all I could do was stare at it for a few
seconds. A feeling of dread and unease formed in my chest, quickly unfurling
and spreading through my arms and stomach.
Some part of my mind registered two other ringtones, but I
couldn’t focus on them, or make myself look away from Jagger’s lopsided smile
on my screen. With a shaky finger, I pressed on the green button, and brought
the phone up to my ear.
Before I could say anything, his panicked voice filled the
phone.
“Grey? Grey! Are you there? Fuck, Grey, say something so I know
you’re there!”
There was a siren and yelling in the background, and the feeling
that had spread through my body now felt like it was choking me. I didn’t know
what was happening, but somehow … somehow I knew my entire world was about to
change. My legs started shaking and my breaths came out in hard rushes.
“I—what’s happ—” I cut off quickly and turned to look at my mom
and Ben’s. Both had phones to their ears. Ben’s mom was screaming with tears
falling down her cheeks; my mom looked like the ground had just been ripped out
from underneath her.
Jagger was talking, I knew his voice was loud and frantic, but I
was having trouble focusing on the words. It sounded like he was yelling at me
from miles away.
“What?” I whispered.
Everyone around me was freaking out, trying to figure out what
was going on. One of my friends was asking who I was talking to, but I couldn’t
even turn to look at her, or be sure who it was that had asked. I couldn’t take
my eyes off the only other women currently talking on a phone.
“Grey! Tell me where you are, I’m coming to get you!”
I blinked a few times and looked down at my lap. I was sitting
on the ground. When had I sat down?
Janie squatted in front of me and grabbed my shoulders to shake
me before grabbing my cheeks so I would look at her instead of where my mom and
Ben’s were clinging to each other.
“What?” I repeated, my voice barely audible.
Just before Janie took the phone from me, I heard a noise that
sounded weighted and pained. A choking sound I’d never heard from Jagger in the
eleven years we’d been friends. The grief in it was enough to force a sharp cry
from my own chest, and I didn’t even struggle against Janie when she took the
phone from me.
I didn’t understand anything that was happening around me, but
somehow I knew everything. A part of me had heard Jagger’s words. A part of me
understood what the horrified cries meant that quickly spread throughout every
one of my friends. My family. Ben’s family. A part of me acknowledged the sense
of loss that had added to the dread, unease, and grief—and knew why it was
there.
A part of me knew the wedding I’d just been envisioning would
never happen.
Chapter 1
Two years later…
Grey
May 10, 2014
I dressed in a fog and sat down on the side of my bed when I was
done. Grabbing the hard top of the graduation cap, I looked down at it in my
hands until the tears filling my eyes made it impossible to see anything other
than blurred shapes. I knew I had to leave, but at that moment I didn’t care.
I didn’t care that I’d done my make up for the first time in two
years and I was ruining it. I didn’t care that I was graduating from college. I
didn’t care that I had already been running twenty minutes late before I’d sat
down.
I just didn’t care.
Falling to my side, I grabbed the necklace that hadn’t left my
neck once in the last couple years, and pulled it out from under my shirt until
I was gripping the wedding band I’d bought for Ben. The one he should be
wearing, but I hadn’t been able to part with—almost like I’d needed to keep
some part of him with me.
The last year had been easier to get through than the one before
it. I hadn’t needed my friends constantly trying to get me to do my schoolwork.
I hadn’t needed Janie pulling me out of bed every morning, forcing me to shower
and dress for the day. I’d even taken off my engagement ring and put it away a
few months ago. But exactly two years ago today, I’d been showing off the place
where I was going to marry Ben. Completely oblivious to anything bad in the
world. And Ben had died.
At twenty years old, his heart had failed and he’d died before
he’d even dropped to the ground on the golf course. He’d always seemed so
active and healthy; nothing had ever picked up on the rare heart condition that
had taken him too early. Doctors said it wasn’t something they could test for.
I didn’t believe them then, and even though I’d read news articles of similar
deaths in young people, I wasn’t sure if I did now. All I knew was that he was
gone.
Heavy footsteps echoed through the hall of my apartment seconds
before Jagger was standing in the doorway of my bedroom, a somber look on his
face.
“How did I know you wouldn’t have made it out of here?” One
corner of his mouth twitched up before falling again.
“I can’t do it,” I choked out, and tightened my hold on the
ring. “How am I supposed to celebrate anything on a day that brought so much
pain?”
Jagger took in a deep breath through his nose before releasing
it and pushing away from the doorframe. Taking the few steps over to the bed,
he sat down by my feet and stared straight ahead as silence filled the room.
“I honestly don’t know, Grey,” he finally said with a small
shrug. “The only way I made it to my car and your apartment was because I knew
Ben wanted this, and would still want it for us.”
“He was supposed to be here,” I mumbled.
“I know.”
“Our two-year anniversary would have been in a few days.”
There was a long pause before Jagger breathed, “I know.”
I stopped myself before I could go on. Nothing I would say right
now would help either of us, not when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball
on the bed that was supposed to be our bed, and give into the grief. I
had to remember that today wasn’t hard for only me. I hadn’t been the only one
to lose him. Ben and Jagger had grown up together; they’d been best friends
since they were six. And two years ago they’d been in the middle of a
conversation when Jagger had looked over at Ben because he hadn’t answered, and
watched as he fell.
“Jag?” I whispered.
“Yeah, Grey?”
“How do we do it?”
The bed shifted as he leaned forward to rest his forearms on his
legs, turning his head so he could look at me. “Do what?”
“Keep moving on. I thought this year was easier, I thought I was
doing better until this last week. And then today…” I drifted off, letting the
words hang in the air for a few seconds before saying, “It’s like no time has
passed. It’s like I’m right back where I was when you picked me up and took me
to the hospital. I feel like my world has ended all over again. There are still
some days where I don’t want to get out of bed, but not like this.”
“There isn’t an answer to that. Even if there were, it would be
different for you, for me, for anyone else who’d ever been in this situation. I
get up and keep going because I know I have something to live for, and I know
it’s what he would want. I can’t think about how I’ll deal with the next day, I
just take each day as it comes. There will always be hard days, Grey, always.
We just need to take them with the good days, and keep living.”
“I feel like it’s cruel to his memory to move on,” I admitted
softly a few minutes later.
“No one ever said we had to move on, we just need to keep
moving.”
I met his gaze and held it as he stood up and turned, holding a
hand out to me.
“You ready to move?” he asked, and the meaning in his question
was clear.
“No,” I replied, but still held my hand out. Slipping my hand
into his, I let him pull me off the bed, and wrapped my arms around his waist,
dropping my head onto his chest.
Jagger folded his arms around me, and brought his head down near
mine to speak softly in my ear. “Don’t think about next week, or tomorrow, or
even tonight. Just focus on your right now. Right now we have to go to our
graduation. Right now Ben would be flipping out because you would be making
both of you late.”
I choked out a laugh, and a deep laugh rumbled in his chest.
“And you would tell him?” His question drifted off, waiting for
my response.
“To get over it and bet him twenty bucks that we would still
beat you there.”
This time his laugh was fuller, and he rubbed his hands over my
back before stepping away from me. “Exactly. Then he would put an extra twenty
on it, saying I would show up with fresh charcoal on my hands.”
“And face,” I added.
Jagger rolled his eyes. “That was one time.”
“It was to your mom’s wedding.”
“I didn’t like the guy anyway.” I smiled and his eyes darted
over my face before he held his hands up. “No fresh charcoal, and we’ll show up
at the same time. So no one wins today.”
I took a deep breath in and out, and nodded my head. “I think
I’m ready to move now.”
“All right.” He bent forward and grabbed my cap and gown off the
bed before turning to leave the room.
I followed him down the hall and into the living room, pausing
in the entryway only long enough to look in the mirror and wipe away the
streaked make up. Once we were in his car, I touched his forearm and waited for
him to look over at me.
“Thanks, Jagger. For coming for me, for talking to me—just …
thank you.” He had no idea how thankful I was for him, and I wouldn’t have
known how to explain it if I tried. He was just always there to make things
better, always there to help me … always there to be everything I needed.
He shook his head slowly once, and his green eyes stayed locked
on mine. “Sometimes I need motivation to keep moving too. You don’t need to
thank me, just let me know when you have to talk about him, okay?”
“Yeah.” Letting go of his arm, I sat back in the seat and
grabbed the long chain holding Ben’s wedding band on it. Taking comfort in the
feel of it in my palm, and the knowledge that he would be proud of Jagger and
me right now.
I made it through the graduation without crying again, but I
never felt like I was happy that it was happening. Even though Jagger had
gotten me to a point where I’d been smiling and laughing, the second he’d left
my side when we’d arrived, I’d fallen back into a state where I was constantly
on the verge of crumbling from the grief of what today was. Only to be made
worse when Janie had hugged me longer than normal, and then I’d seen my parents
and older brother, and none of them had been able to force anything more than a
strained smile and “congratulations.”
Lunch afterward didn’t prove to be much easier for anyone. One
of my uncles mentioned the date and asked how I was dealing with it, and it had
turned into some awkward hush-fest where everyone started kicking the other
under the table, and giving them meaningful looks as if to say: shut the fuck
up! For the next forty-five minutes, no one said a word. Not even a thank
you to the waitress when she’d brought the food.
As much as I hated it, and as much as I loved my family, I was
relieved when we’d said our goodbyes and my brother had driven me back to my
apartment.
“You doing okay, kid?” he asked when he pulled into a parking
space.
“Some days.”
“But not today.” It wasn’t a question, he knew.
“Yeah … not today,” I said softly.
“Do you want me to come up? I can hang out, crash here for the
night, and head back tomorrow.”
“No, it’s fine. I didn’t really sleep last night, so I’ll
probably go to bed when I get in there.”
“Grey, it’s four in the afternoon.” He looked at me with either
pity or sympathy, neither I wanted to see.
“Today was kind of rough, it felt like three smashed into one,
and like I said, I didn’t really sleep last night. I’m tired.”
He was silent for a minute before he twisted in his seat to face
me. “I’m worried about you.”
I gritted my teeth and took calming breaths before saying, “You
shouldn’t be. It’s been two years, I’m getting better.”
“Are you?” he asked on a laugh, but there was no humor in his
tone. “I knew today would be hard for you, there’s no way for it not to be.
But, shit, how much do you weigh?”
I jerked my head back. “What? I don’t know.”
“Do you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you see how you look
in your clothes? You look like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes, and
they’re a size or two too big.”
Glancing down at my shirt and skirt, I shook my head. “No
they—well, I’m eating! You saw me at lunch, I ate half that burger.”
“No, Grey. I ate half your burger. You picked it up and
put it down at least a dozen times before cutting it in half, and then picking
up one of the halves only to put it back down. I watched you. You ate two
fries. Nothing else.”
I tried to think back to the restaurant, but I couldn’t even
remember ordering the burger, let alone cutting it. I just remembered half of
it was gone when the waitress asked if I wanted a box. I’d said no. As for the
clothes, today was the first time I’d actually done my hair or make-up in
years. I usually just put on clothes and left, not caring to see how I looked.
“Well, what do you want me to say, Graham? I’m trying.
You have no idea how hard it is to lose someone who has been a huge part of
your world for over half your life. Who has owned your heart for most of that.
Who you were supposed to marry days before they passed! You don’t
understand what I’ve been through,” I seethed, and wiped at my wet cheeks. “I
finished school, I’m living, what more do you want?”
“I want you to live, Grey.”
“I just said—”
“You’re existing,” he barked, cutting me off. “You’re existing, not
living. You’re going through the motions you’re supposed to without
realizing that you’re doing them, or why.”
“That’s not true!” I screamed. “You can’t judge me based on what
you’ve seen of half a day. A day that is a horrible reminder of what happened.”
He grabbed my hand and squeezed, and when he spoke again, his
voice was calm. “Kid, I’m not saying any of this only based off of what
I’ve seen today. Janie’s worried about you—”
“Janie? Janie?! You’re having my friends keep tabs on me,
Graham?”
“Grey—”
“How often do they check in with you? Huh? Do they only see me
now so they can tell you how I’m doing? Because I don’t see them very
much, but, then again, who the hell would want to be around someone who is just
existing.”
“Grey!” he snapped when I opened the passenger door and jumped
out of his truck.
“Screw you and your existing bullshit, Graham! I’m fine!
I’m dealing the only way I know how, and I. Am. Fine.”
I didn’t care that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I
didn’t care that I was overreacting. I was overreacting because I was terrified
he was right, and I didn’t want him to be. I was tired of everyone looking at
me with sympathy or pity. I was tired of rooms getting quiet when I walked into
them … still. I was tired of the way everyone seemed to walk on
eggshells around me. And I was tired of feeling like I was giving them a reason
to.
I took off for my building, ignoring Graham’s voice as he
followed me from his truck. Grabbing my keys from my purse as I ran toward my
apartment, I fumbled to find the right key so I could get in there before he
could catch up with me. The keys slipped from my hand, and I reached out for
them at the same time I tripped out of my sandals and hit the concrete on my
hands and knees.
Ignoring the spilled contents of my purse, I rocked back so I
was sitting on my heels, and let my head hang as hard sobs worked their way
through my body.
Two large hands grabbed at my upper arms to help me up, and I
swatted at him. “Leave me alone, Graham!” I cried.
“Shh. It’s okay,” a deep voice crooned. I lifted my head enough
to see Jagger before letting him pull me into his arms. “It’s okay.”
I pressed my forehead into his chest, and shook my head back and
forth. “It’s not. This day won’t end, and the way everyone is looking at me or
talking to me is making me feel like I’m failing.”
“Failing?” he asked and tipped my head back, a soft smirk
playing at his lips. “Hardly, Grey. I told you, you just gotta keep moving, and
you are. You have been. You’re strong, not everyone sees that because they’re
waiting for you to break. Just because they’re expecting you to not be handling
this doesn’t mean you’re failing.”
“But they won’t talk about him, they won’t talk about what
happened. Graham said I’m not eating, and I’m losing weight. He said Janie’s
telling him that she’s worried about me. He said I’m just existing and going
through the motions.”
“Fuck Graham. He’s wrong. He’s not with you every day to see how
you’re improving.” Jagger’s green eyes bore into mine. “Your family hasn’t seen
you much this year while you’ve been getting better, so they don’t know how to
handle the situation—especially because of what today is and the fact that you
are upset. He’s your brother, he’s going to be worried about you; but, Grey,
don’t let him make you feel like you’re not doing better than you should be.
Today is an exception. And he just happened to see you on an exception,
all right?” His arms tightened around me, and he leaned back until he was
pressed up against the wall. “You’re doing fine, I promise.”
He held me until I stopped crying, and released me when I pulled
back.
“See? Fine.”
Today was making me question everything; I didn’t think I could
agree with him on that. “What are you even doing here?”
“I thought you could use some company since it’s an exception
day, but I’m gonna go so you can spend time with your brother,” he said,
jerking his head at something behind me.
I looked over my shoulder to see Graham standing against the
wall opposite us, his arms crossed over his chest, a strange look on his face.
“How long has he been there?” I whispered to Jagger when I turned to face him
again.
“The whole time.”
“So he heard you…” I had the sudden urge to stand up for Jagger.
Graham had hated him ever since we’d become friends when we were nine. But,
then again, he hadn’t really ever liked Ben until right before the wedding was
supposed to happen, so it could have been an overprotective big brother thing.
“Yeah, but he knows I’m right.” Jagger’s eyes moved to look
behind me, and one eyebrow rose in silent challenge, but Graham never said
anything. “Go hang out with—”
“I don’t want to,” I said quickly, cutting him off. “I need to
either be alone, or be with someone who knows what it’s like to force yourself
to keep moving.”
He looked down at me for a few seconds before nodding. “Okay,
let’s go.”
“We’re not staying here?” I asked when he bent down and started
shoving things back into my purse.
“No. You want to keep moving, Grey. We can’t do that if we sit
in that apartment all night.”
I took my purse from his hand, and turned to follow him out of
the breezeway, Graham behind us the whole time. Jagger opened the passenger
door of his car and shut it behind me after I’d slid in, and I met Graham’s
stare from where he stood a few feet from the front of the car.
Graham’s hand shot out, gripping Jagger’s arm as he went to pass
him, and I opened the door—ready for who knows what. It’s not like I could stop
them if they went at it.
“Make sure she’s okay,” Graham demanded, his gaze hardening when
Jagger ripped his arm free.
“What do you think I’ve been doing for the past two years?” he
hissed. “She is okay, she’s better than okay. Today sucks for her, but you
can’t treat her like she’s made of porcelain because it’s a bad fucking day.
She needs to talk about him; she needs to talk about what happened. She doesn’t
need the way you all stood there at the graduation staring at her like you had
no idea who she was.”
“Do you see her?” Graham asked, getting closer. “Do you see how
thin she is?”
“Yeah, I see her. I see her every day. She lost a lot of weight;
she’s also put on weight in the last few months. Give her some fucking credit,
Graham. Don’t just take Janie’s word for it—Janie isn’t around enough to give
you updates on her. You want to know how your sister is doing, ask her
yourself. Don’t tell her how she is.” Jagger didn’t wait for him to say
anything else; he stalked around the hood of the car and slid in to the
driver’s seat.
Graham looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to stop me
from leaving with Jagger, or if he was relieved I was leaving. When I shut my
door, he put a hand over his chest in our silent I love you, and kept
his eyes trained on mine until I put my hand over my chest as well; nodding
once as Jagger backed out of the spot.
Jagger
May 10, 2014
I let my phone fall to the table, and sighed loudly as I rubbed
my hands over my face. After driving around with the music blasting and windows
down for a few hours, we’d come to one of the places we used to always go to
before Ben died. They had live music on the weekends, and the best diner food
in the area.
“Graham?” Grey guessed, and I grunted in confirmation.
“He just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“You haven’t,” she began, but paused for a few seconds. “Have
you been giving him updates too?”
“Seriously, Grey? Your brother hates me; I didn’t even know he
had my number until a few minutes ago. Besides, if I had, he probably wouldn’t
have said all that shit to you, and your family wouldn’t have acted like
statues at the graduation.”
“I heard you say something about that to him before we left. So
you noticed it too, huh?”
“Wasn’t hard to. My sister wanted to see you, but after we found
you and saw the way they were all just staring at you, she was afraid to say
anything.”
“Charlie was there? Were your mom and brother there, too?”
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes, and just shook my head
instead. “No. Mom was probably busy with her new boyfriend or husband.”
Grey rolled her eyes at the mention of my mom’s boyfriends, and
her lips tilted up in a soft smile. “I doubt that was the reason she didn’t
show. But I wish Charlie had said something. I’ll have to call her this summer,
or something. I haven’t seen her in forever.” Her mouth fell into a frown for a
second before she turned to look at the stage when everyone clapped.
I hadn’t set foot in here in two years, and it felt strange, but
good, to be in here again. Almost like I could see Ben sitting on the opposite
side of the booth, right next to Grey. But just as soon as the memory hit me,
it was gone. “Do you ever feel like he’s disappearing?” I asked suddenly.
Grey’s head shot up, her eyes wide as she took in my words.
“What?”
“Ben. Do you feel like his memory is disappearing? Everywhere,
all around us.”
“All the time,” she murmured and nodded absentmindedly for a few
moments. “I forced myself to stop buying his cologne, and there are times I
don’t remember what he smelled like. When I realize that, I panic. I’m afraid
I’ll forget forever, and I want to go buy another bottle. But I know I can’t, I
know it’ll just make it harder to move on. I don’t—” She cut off on a quiet
sob, and covered her mouth with her hand as tears filled her eyes. “I don’t
remember what his laugh sounded like. I don’t remember the way it felt when he
held me. I’m afraid to go back to Thatch, Jag.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t want to see his parents’ house and know that Ben’s been
completely erased from it.”
I sagged into the booth and blew out a heavy breath. “Yeah, I’d
forgotten about that.”
Six months after Ben died, his parents had moved. Not just to
another house, not just out of town. They’d moved across the country to get
away. They hadn’t been able to handle all the memories of Ben when their only
child was now gone. And in a town the size of Thatch, there were memories
everywhere.
I’d felt the same, but now I was in the same spot as Grey. I was
terrified of forgetting him, and now I wondered if his parents regretted
leaving.
“So what are you going to do?”
She blinked a few times, like I’d just pulled her from somewhere
else, and after a few seconds she shrugged. “I’m still going back. The
apartment here isn’t much better. He’s the one who picked it out, and all I
ever think about when I’m in there is that he’s supposed to be in there too.
It’ll be hard at first, but I need to go home. What about you?” Grey’s lips
curved up in a rare smile, and I felt myself smiling back at her until she
spoke. “I always pictured you just taking off. No one has ever been able to
hold onto you, and I feel like towns and cities are no different. I don’t see
you ever finding a place where you’ll want to settle down forever.”
Of course you don’t. My eyebrows pinched
together, and I looked down so she wouldn’t see anything she wasn’t supposed
to. There was truth to her words, and at the same time, she was so wrong. No
one had ever been able to keep me because I’d only ever belonged to her. I’d
dated a handful of girls in the first two years after leaving Thatch … if you
could call it “dating”, and had only ever had one girlfriend back home—and that
had been in hopes that it would get a reaction out of Grey as much as it had
been a distraction for me from the constant in-my-face relationship of Ben and
Grey. If Ben hadn’t died, and if they’d gotten married, leaving is exactly what
I would’ve done. It was one thing to stay back, not saying anything to her,
hoping one day she would see in me what I’ve seen in her since we were kids. It
was another when I had to finally acknowledge she would never be mine.
But even though I wasn’t sure she would ever get to a point in
her life where she was ready to move on, there was no way I could leave her
now. She wasn’t mine, but she needed me. And I would be there for her as long
as she did.
“So where do you think you’ll go?” she asked, and I looked back
up at her.
“Thatch,” I said, my voice low and gravelly. “I belong in
Thatch.”
About the Author:
Molly McAdams grew up in California but now lives in the oh-so-amazing state of Texas with her husband and furry daughter. Her hobbies include hiking, snowboarding, traveling and long walks on the beach, which roughly translates to being a homebody with her hubby and dishing out movie quotes. When she's not at work, she can be found hiding out in her bedroom surrounded by her laptop, cell, Kindle and fighting over the TV remote. She has a weakness for crude-humored movies, fried pickles and loves curling up in a fluffy comforter during a thunderstorm...or under one in a bathtub if there are tornados. That way she can pretend they aren't really happening.
Molly's Website: http://www. mollysmcadams.com
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